Loss.
That moment when someone tells you that you have lost a child, the world either spins ever faster until all the colors become a white blur or else the world slows down until all its banality is frozen in place. Either way those words about that loss just hang in midair for a moment. Then they fill your head displacing any other thoughts that might have resided there but a minute prior. You stand still for that moment. The words are just heavy in your brain. That minute might seem to be forever or not long enough. But, at that moment, you stand there alone just you and that terrible news.
And, then the world might start again with a sigh or a cry. You might fall to your knees and hope that the earth swallows you whole. You might find that all your limbs have stiffened and left you still as a stone statue. You might fall numb and deaf. You might shake so uncontrollably that every tooth feels like they will be dislodged from your mouth. But, with that loss, you certainly feel a small fissure form in your heart.
In time, that break might callus over. You will walk around the world as if your heart is whole. You will go on with your days. You will picnic on the lawn. Eat--and taste what you are eating. Maybe you will spoon macaroni and cheese into a little ones mouth. That callus on your heart will not keep you from laughing and playing again.
October 15 is a national pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day in the States. Loss such as this is pervasive, but a quiet truth in people’s lives. Maybe we can all spend that day being kind and caring indiscriminately. You have no idea who might be silently suffering.
Recipe:
Confetti Alphabet Macaroni and Cheese
Boil 2 servings of alphabet pastina according to the package directions and 1/3 cup diced carrots. Drain.
Grate 2 cups of cheese (parmesan, cheddar and smoked gouda.)
While pasta is hot, add cheese, 1 T dijon mustard, pinch paprika, 1/3 cup frozen peas, 1/3 fresh corn.
Take three handfuls of breadcrumbs and toss with olive oil, paprika and turmeric.
Put mac and cheese in single serving oven proof containers and top with bread crumbs. (we used alphabet shaped breadcrumbs)
