Saturday, January 24, 2009

Thanks


I miss food. I miss thinking about food, eating food, looking at food, photographing food, smelling food, reading about food, taking food, buying food, blogging about food.

You see, I am pregnant. News of pregnancy comes with ambivalence for me. I suffer from a condition called Hyperemesis Gravardium (HG). Sometimes referred to as severe morning sickness, basically imagine having food poisoning for 5 months coupled with an unsettling hyperacute sense of smell.

And, incidentally, this is not the sort of thing tackled by crackers, lemon drops, or ginger. It is the sort of thing where you loose 5 pounds in three days and you feel excellent that you didn’t loose more. (Remember pregnancy is the time that you are supposed to gain weight.) For me, medical intervention is the only way to make it to term.

With this pregnancy, I have begun considering ways to explain the situation to the non-suffered (men and women alike.) I imagine this disease is a bit like overcoming an addiction in that there are both physical and emotional ramifications to reckon with. From my made-for-TV understanding of addiction, your body and mind desire the drug. And, while the physical detox is skeleton shaking and internal organ shattering, it is the brain that keeps the addict from succeeding in recover. In the case of HG, the brain is the only reason I don’t die during pregnancy. My brain knows food is necessary for my body and my unborn child remembering the pale specter of a food-lover who had once resided in my body. But, for some damn reason, my body disagrees and attempts to vacate anything I eat in some misguided sense of self-protection. Many a late night when I lie away so nauseous that I fear that the movement of walking to the bathroom might make me sick enough to return to the hospital, I think about that well person, remember wandering the market with my daughter, remember cooking healthy (if sometimes bizarre) meals for my family.

Edibles that are innocuous become frightening. At my last hospital visit, many a well-meaning nurse suggested I drink a little water so I could feel better. Frankly, water is one of the most frightening things I could ever imagine consuming. Right now typing this, I have horrific visions of liquid droplets plunking down onto the fragile mess that is my stomach. One drop and a shudder…three drops my stomach cracks apart.

So many weeks ago, knowing that I might be incapacitated for months, I asked if it was the writing or the food that brought you here because I had really wanted to yell out that I will be living a physical hell for a few weeks, and I need to decide if I should endeavor to come back. I received so many kind comments, and I wanted thank all of you. The next few weeks will be like a health roller coaster, but hopefully, I will slowly come back.  

So to all of you who have emailed and commented, THANK YOU.  I am still pretty week and unable to get back to email regularly, but I will.  But, I have appreciated seeing the comments these last few weeks. THANKS, THANKS, THANKS.

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If you have debilitating sickness with pregnancy, have lost 10 percent of your body weight, and/or have been unable to keep down water, insist that your health care provider check your ketones. Mishandled HG can result in death for the fetus and the mother.  

For more information about HG, go to www.hyperemesis.org

29 comments:

Nancy Heller said...

Mom - I have been so terribly concerned by your sudden disappearance from posting - congratulations on the good news, and best wishes for the return of your health and vigor.

Please please keep us posted - the food can wait until you feel better.

Sarah said...

First of all - congratulations! You and your family will be in our prayers.

melissa said...

Oh mm. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Please take care. I wish there were more I could say.

Much love and healing thoughts~

veggievixen said...

wow, that must be hard. you seem like you're handling it well, though, and i do wish for all the best for you.

Maggie said...

I'm sorry to hear about you having so much trouble. I hope you the best in the coming months.

OhioMom said...

Congrats on the new baby, I am so sorry this is such a difficult time for you. No helpful hints, but lots of good thoughts sent your way.

(((Maybelle's Mom)))

Aparna said...

Even though it happened to me 12 years back, the sickness was such a nightmare I haven't forgotten it! I used to have evening sickness and luckily it lasted only 3 months. And I couldn't even bear the thought of food. :)

Take care and don't worry about blogging. You will come back to to it when you will.:)

Jenny said...

Oh my.
I did not handle pregnancy well, but was never this bad. You have my sympathies, in abundance!

Dragon said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby. Take care of yourself and don't worry about us or the blog. We'll be here when you are able to return.

Helene said...

I want to send you warm thoughts because I did have this for 9 months with the last child. I could not believe it. And this kid was born so healthy. Good luck and we will be thinking of you.

Jude said...

Hope you feel much better soon. i can only imagine how difficult it must be.

_ts of [eatingclub] vancouver said...

First of all, congratulations!

Second of all, you and your writing (and food) have been, and will be, missed. We look forward to your return. In the meantime, be, be well.

Best wishes.

NĂºria said...

I'm so sorry to hear that! Ohhh I didn't know about this disease... how frightening and horrible. Thank God it will have an end and you will be able to have your lovely baby and forget all about it!
My thoughts are with you girl! Keep it up :D

Cynthia said...

Hopefully you will get over the morning sickness soon?

Sophie said...

Oh my! I'm so sorry to hear about the severe morning sickness. I hope you feel better soon. I wish you a speedy recovery. I've missed reading your posts :).

TeaLady said...

Hang in there. When it is over you have a wonderful experience awaiting you.

farida said...

I hope you feel better soon. Health is the most important thing in life. Take care of yourself.

glamah16 said...

I have missed and have wondered what was goping on with you. Im am going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you remain strong and healthy and the the baby will be all right.

chou said...

My heart aches for your discomfort, and celebrates for your strength (and for the new addition to your family). I come for your warmth and wisdom, and because your blog is about sharing and caring (as so aptly described in your title). Thank you for sharing.

Tash said...

oh I am so sorry you have to endure it, ugh. I am excited at your good news, though!

Tasty Trends said...

congrats on your pregnancy! sorry to hear about your severe illness. i hope it subsides soon. when are you due?

i am due this summer and can't wait!

Mandy said...

Congratulations on the pregnancy! And good luck in getting through your illness. Can't be easy. I'm going through something similar but nowhere near as bad. Working in a kitchen is pretty tough right now!

holly_44109 said...

I am obviously behind on my blog reading! Congrats on your pregnancy!!! I am so sorry to read about your HG. I hope that you and your baby are well. I think you should absolutely keep blogging. I did not keep up with my writing because I didn't want to end up with a baby blog. Now I feel like I missed out on documenting so much that went on while I was pregnant and over the last 10 months.

Dharm said...

Congrats and at the same time sorry to hear that you have HG. All I can say is that the joy at the end will be worth it, right?! Happy Birhday as well dear friend!

Bridget said...

I feel your pain, I went through nine months of the same. The most aggrevating part was after 7 months some idiot suggested I try crackers - he almost died. Good luck, and try not to get too frustrated.

we are never full said...

well, first, congratulations. second, i'm so sorry it's been a tough ride for you and the little one. i really worry that when i first get pregnant this exact thing will happen to me - it's gotta be so strange to know that you can't even do something you really want to (eat, cook or read about cooking). i hope you feel better and get back to bloggin when you're good and ready.

but, really, congrats on the pregnancy!

Reeni♥ said...

I'm praying for you and your baby. I hope all is well.

Cinnamonda said...

I hope you are already feeling better and that everything is going well with your pregnancy.

Wishing you well,
Tiina

Lori said...

I just wanted to say hello. I had a friend with this condition, very awful. My heart goes out to you. I do hope all is going well. I miss your blog.